I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
