All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
