this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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