Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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