dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
