Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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