dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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