I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
