Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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