Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
