Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
