im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
