apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
