There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We need to get me chipped asap
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
