You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
