Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
