so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
