If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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