just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
