We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
