I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
