Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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