I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
