i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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