there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
last night I used snow as a chaser
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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