So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
