Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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