woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
