Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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