Define "chronic" masturbator.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
