I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
