distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
