similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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