May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize