Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
