so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
