So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
