a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
