Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
