We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
