My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
