Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
