You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
