im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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