She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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