i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
