thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
