i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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