***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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