I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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