Old men and throwing up are my life now.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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