She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
