Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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