Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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