She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
