Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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