My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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