Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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