I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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