Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
