you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
