i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
