my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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