I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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