When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
