I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
