chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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