Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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