I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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