You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
