I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
