I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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