I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
