garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
