Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
