I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
