Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
