he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
