I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
