have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
