No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
