it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
