If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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