Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
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He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
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True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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