I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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