Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
